Self-denial, Restlessness and the Meaning of Life

Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Mat 11:28 

Few subjects stir the heart of humankind like the question ‘What is the meaning of life?’ Certainly it is not a question which comes up in every day conversation, but certain occasions force it upon the lips, like when the pitcher in the home has broken (or where the daughters of music have gone silent), and where the feelings of worthlessness and failure ran amok. But without doubt this famishment starts in childhood and it doesn’t stop until we breathe our last, ‘Where did I come from?’ asks the restless child, ‘And where did God come from?’ he asks next. And now we are breathless about where Corona came from and when it will end.  Something burns inside the heart – and since we can’t reach the heart through the visible eye – we usually lend the eyes to the mind – and there it keeps us awake in a flame of scalding questions. We are starved. And we can only end that hunger through knowledge... But who will give us the answers?

But we need not grapple, and we need not be anxious, all we need do is believe that old, old God of the Bible again. For it is in him that Jesus offers this timeless comfort, ‘Come unto me all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.’ And Augustus the theologian and Bishop grunted, “Thou hast made us for thyself, O Lord, and our heart is restless until it finds its rest in thee.”

The queen of Sheba was a great woman ‘from the south’, and she heard the fame of Solomon, but she didn’t rest there, she embarked on a journey to far Jerusalem to find out the truth for herself. How far have you gone in your search for the truth? And this was her testimony after she met and saw Solomon herself: ‘It was a true report that I heard in mine own land of thy acts and of thy wisdom. Howbeit I believed not the words, until I came, and mine eyes had seen it: and, behold, the half was not told me: thy wisdom and prosperity exceedeth the fame which I heard’ (1Ki 10:6-7). No doubt you are restless about what this present life portends, for who isn’t? And no doubt you have heard the fame of Jesus Christ since you were born, but now why don’t you go to him ‘personally’ to find out the truth for yourself? For ‘behold, a greater than Solomon is here’, he says. And now you don’t need to go very far to Jerusalem to meet him, for he is right here where you are right now, and ‘even in thy mouth, and in thy heart: that is, the word of faith, which we preach.’ Open that Book and you will meet him. The answer lies in me, says Jesus. The answer lies in self-denial, self-denial, and self-denial. ‘Deny what you know, and I will teach you things you have never known.’ But you cry this is very painful! And he says, ‘Verily, verily, I say unto you, Except a corn of wheat fall into the ground and die, it abideth alone: but if it die, it bringeth forth much fruit’ (Joh 12:24). 

 

·      Do I worry about life? He says ‘I am life.’

·      Do I worry which way to go? He says “I am the way.’

·      Do I wonder like Pilate ‘What is truth?’ Jesus says, ‘I am the truth.’

·      Do I worry what I will eat? He says ‘I am the living bread which came down from heaven: if any man eat of this bread, he shall live for ever…’

·      Do I worry about what I will eat? He says, ‘Consider the ravens: for they neither sow nor reap; which neither have storehouse nor barn; and God feedeth them: how much more are ye better than the fowls?’ 

·      Do I worry about children? He says, ‘Sing, O barren, thou that didst not bear; break forth into singing, and cry aloud, thou that didst not travail with child: for more are the children of the desolate than the children of the married wife, saith the LORD.’

·      Do I worry where I will live in future? He says ‘Let not your heart be troubled: ye believe in God, believe also in me. In my Father's house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you.’

·      Do I worry that I have nothing? He says ‘Take heed, and beware of covetousness: for a man's life consisteth not in the abundance of the things which he possesseth.’ 

·      Am I sick? He says ‘I am the LORD that healeth thee’.

·      Do I worry how I should believe all these? He says, ‘It is the spirit that quickeneth; the flesh profiteth nothing: the words that I speak unto you, they are spirit, and they are life.’ 

·      Do I worry that I am thirsty still? He says, ‘But whosoever drinketh of the water that I shall give him shall never thirst; but the water that I shall give him shall be in him a well of water springing up into everlasting life.’ 

Sir, give me this water, that I thirst not, neither come I hither to draw! 

 

Self-denial as the Will of God: Part two: A high calling, its Meaning, its Benefits, and the Pitfalls of a Self-willed Life

 

And he said to them all, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me. For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: but whosoever will lose his life for my sake, the same shall save it. Luk 9:23-24  

Every believer in Jesus Christ has been called to his life and to the full enjoyment of all that he has promised to us. That change is radical because it is both a death and a resurrection into new life which takes place, as it is written, ‘Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new’ (2Co 5:17). Elsewhere Paul calls it ‘high calling of God in Christ Jesus’ because it involves things of above, as it is written, ‘If ye then be risen with Christ, seek those things which are above, where Christ sitteth on the right hand of God. Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth. For ye are dead, and your life is hid with Christ in God’ (Col 3:1-3).  

 Some of the Chief Benefits of the Life of Self-denial Are:

·      It enables us to see ourselves for who we really are. Self-love hides our ‘secret faults’, but these come out when we are alone with God in prayer or worship.

·      It fixes our minds on what is important. Life is filled with many distractions. And many times it is only in times of adversity like this that we are aroused into new possibilities that we never knew we possessed before. We become, in the end, who we really are – and what God meant us to be. As it is written, ‘Call unto me, and I will answer thee, and shew thee great and mighty things, which thou knowest not’ (Jer 33:3).  Trouble came, and in coming, we cried unto God, and he answered, and he showed us mighty things which we didn’t know before. Forced into humility by circumstances like this…we have become far wiser than we were before. And we thank God for it.

On the other Hand the Pitfalls of a Self-willed Life are Many, and include the Following:

·      A self-willed life regards self as the beginning and end, and because they are not open to any other perspectives, they die very poor. Solomon had it all, and who can be richer than a king in this life? But it left him poor. With a thousand women at his fingertips Solomon felt immensely his own loneliness.

·      Other times we occupy ourselves with too many things, and one can die without knowing why they were here in the first place. It’s not that Solomon did nothing, but that he did too many things. He almost lost himself in his own forest.

·      Sadly realizations like this come to us when we have advanced in years… and it is then we start rushing to leave a legacy. Fortunately God is ever merciful, and he gives us our desires! Sometimes you just have to hate a part of you in order to make any headway in life.

·      Self-love can easily morph into self-idolization and self-worship, and finally one can reach the heights of a narcissist without realizing it.

·      Solomon may have had such a person in mind (or even himself) when he prophesied, ‘Because I have called, and ye refused; I have stretched out my hand, and no man regarded; But ye have set at nought all my counsel, and would none of my reproof: I also will laugh at your calamity; I will mock when your fear cometh; When your fear cometh as desolation, and your destruction cometh as a whirlwind; when distress and anguish cometh upon you’ (Pro 1:24-27).  

·      Self-worship will eventually degenerate into self-delusion. ‘He gave them over’ says scripture, and that is a fearful place to be. God gives them over to their own devices. As it is written, ‘And for this cause God shall send them strong delusion, that they should believe a lie: That they all might be damned who believed not the truth, but had pleasure in unrighteousness’ (2Th 2:11-12).  

·      There are no breaks to the reprobate. But a believer knows his boundaries. The fear and knowledge of God shields him from such excesses. The believer gives himself over to God to be led by him like a sheep instead. A self-willed person knows no such humility.

O LORD, correct us, but with judgment; not in thine anger, lest thou bring us to nothing.  

Self-denial as the will of God – Part One:  The Definition

 

And he said to them all, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me. Luk 9:23 

 

We know the accent in the world is not on denying oneself but accepting oneself. But God’s insistence is on denying oneself or loving oneself less if one would be his true disciple. The topic however shouldn’t raise eye brows, because most of life’s disciplines actually demand it. Parents deny themselves daily. Only the young seem to want everything in life, but even them, reality soon catches up with them as it did with us when we grew up. People in love deny themselves all the time, and certainly no one can survive in a marriage without it. We save money for a rainy day and that too is self-denying. Even a spendthrift comes to appreciate sooner or later the value of self-denial. Only a miser’s self-denial is extreme.

 

A Christian life too is a disciplined life because it carries with it a purpose, method and goal. The purpose is to be changed or transformed, and the method is sanctification or God’s work in us through the Holy Spirit, and the goal is what John Piper calls future grace, but which can also be called future glory. However for purposes of this and future articles, in this piece I will dwell chiefly on the definitions… and later in part two I will branch out to various practices and benefits of self-denial.

 

So the following is a general review of persons and their given types of self-denials in life. I will begin with the life of a sportsman, because it is here where the practice is felt most poignantly if he has to win. He has to deny himself many pleasures, and he has to indulge himself rigorously in daily exercises. Even the food he eats (and rest and sleep) have all to be controlled. Next are the philosophers or searchers of truth. They too have their own forms of exercises to stick to assiduously – like reading. They are forever students in the literature of life – and they have to study it. The next group (and or related to these) are writers. They never lack a pen and a notebook wherever they go. And they have to wake up even past midnight if they are struck by a so called revelation. They have to put it down. An idea often comes only once, and if he misses it he may rue it for the rest of his life. They loath unnecessarily talk, because it interferes with their thinking. And they have a natural antipathy for parties. It’s why writers make poor conversationalists, poor speakers and sometimes even poor lovers. Their minds – and silences – are their best friends.

 

But in the Bible it was Paul the urbanite who borrowed heavily from the imagery of the race and sportsmen…The sportsman, says the apostle, enters in a race to win and not to lose…(1Co 9:24-27). And so is a Christian, he ‘beats’ his body (some unfortunately took this literally!) so he may win the race that is set before him. And so are we too who are called believers. We are in the world but we are not of the world. Ours is a high calling. And it is in this world that we are called to shine as a light so that the name of our God may be glorified. To do this we must be transformed, and in the process of transformation (or regeneration) we have to lose much that was our prized old nature of sin and self. But if he doesn’t ‘die’ he will impede us in our progress of perfection. Christian life is a joyous life, it is a new life, it is an exciting life and it is eternal. Much therefore lies at stake if we don’t daily grow in this grace and the knowledge of God (2Pet 3:18). It is our calling. It is our practice. It is our boast. So help us God to love it, to desire it, and to embrace it because it is only in you that we can begin to understand the meaning of this life – and the meaning of our own selves.

 

 

The Will of God is to Give thanks in Every thing

In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you. 1Th 5:18 

Are we ungrateful? Probably we don’t know. ‘Who can understand his errors? cleanse thou me from secret faults’ cried the psalmist. And probably once in a while we would all benefit immensely from such a prayer. A young rich ruler went to Jesus one day desiring to know what he should do to earn eternal life. He had, according to his testimony, been perfect since childhood. But Jesus told him the truth. And the truth made the rich young ruler very sad. He had a secret fault he hardly knew anything about. And it was that which turned his day into a night suddenly. But truth shouldn’t leave us sad. It should rather leave us enlightened, changed and happy. For it is only then that we can be said to be truly free.

The young rich ruler had a ‘secret fault’ he didn’t know he possessed. And so we too may be pretty ungrateful in our everyday life but we don’t even know it. So what do you see in that brief second of revelation which God sends to us once in a while? And how does it leave you feeling, light or heavy? It came to Peter once. But it made him cry instead, ‘Depart from me; for I am a sinful man, O Lord.’ The prodigal had been born greedy and ungrateful (like all of us) but he didn’t know it. But thank God the prodigal came to himself, and he chose the way of salvation and not sorrow. He went back to his father and this time he didn’t even want to be called his son – but a servant. Salvation always comes quickly on the heels of true repentance. It is sorrowful yes, but it is a sorrow which leads to salvation. Self-hatred may not always be viewed through negative lenses; it may actually be a prerequisite to a positive change in one’s life, a sort of coming to oneself, or true repentance. Because it wasn’t until the prodigal was truly sorrowful that he saw clearly what a greedy and ingratitude lout he had always been. God help us not to run away from that kind of cleansing sorrow when he sends it our way.

Being thankful is pretty easy when something big has happened, like a sudden windfall. But being thankful in the smallest things of everyday life is rare. It is a secret fault all of us possess, and the sad news is that we hardly know we possess it. The great events are rare. But it is in the smallness of things that life really moves. Let us therefore not despise the day of small things. They build a habit, and a habit builds consistency, and consistency makes the flowers to bloom even in winter. It makes the music sound aloud even in prison. And consistency can make a Spafford to sing ‘It is well with my soul’ even in the midst of the heaviest grief. The redemption story of children of Israel from Egypt was not only about their character but ours as well. God performed clear miracles before their eyes, but they still went ahead to make a god of their own. Their ingratitude killed them, but it is probable they didn’t even see it that way. But of course the cross is the height of our ingratitude. We hanged Christ on it for his tireless effort to save us… But even after a clear demonstration of his resurrection power ‘Who hath believed our report?’

The chief effect of ‘secret faults’ like ingratitude, is that they slow us down in our spiritual progress. We may even recognize them, but we take them lightly because they are small. But the growth of weeds in a farm usually starts small, in one scattered patch or two, and if it is left unchecked one day the farmer will wake up to find his entire crop swallowed and lost to the weeds. And so too ‘secret faults’ have that potential to cause havoc if left unchecked. A holy life can soon get lost to the weeds of the world. The apostle Peter writing on godliness, virtue and divine nature says, ‘But he that lacketh these things is blind, and cannot see afar off, and hath forgotten that he was purged from his old sins. Wherefore the rather, brethren, give diligence to make your calling and election sure: for if ye do these things, ye shall never fall’ (2Pet 1:9-10). And we shall never really know ourselves until we first know our God. ‘Search me, O God,’ cried the psalmist, ‘and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting’ (Psa 139:23-24). Because it is only then I can rest comfortably in the knowledge that ‘I am known’.

Why God’s Will is that we Should be Content with our Daily Bread

Give us this day our daily bread. Mat 6:11  

But godliness with contentment is great gain. 1Ti 6:6 

It is for our own happiness. There is only one way in which one can rejoice always and again rejoice. And that is by being content always in whatever circumstances. But we know that it is not easy. It can be very easy when one is rich, but it is not so when one is very poor. It is very easy when one is in love, but it is not so when one has been rejected. It is easy in summer. It is not so in winter.

But though it might not be humanly possible to be always content, yet the benefits of practicing that virtue are immense (and paradoxically) will lead to the greatest happiness in one’s life. For if one steals, one will be caught, and sent to jail, and that will be the beginning of a hard life. If one commits adultery, the end of it will always be sorrow and death. But to know that is easy. It is how to do which is the hardest part, ‘For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh,) dwelleth no good thing: for to will is present with me; but how to perform that which is good I find not. For the good that I would I do not: but the evil which I would not, that I do’ (Rom 7:18-19).  And that is the power of sin. It always wrecks life in the end. But Christ died so that the sting of sin might be removed once and for all. And it is only on that basis that one can fully grasp the meaning of Christian contentment. We celebrate it not because it has made life easy, but because of the person of Christ.

God might have cared only for the obedient Christian in this life, and to have left the sinner to perish in his sin. But he didn’t do that. He came after the one lost sheep. He left the ninety nine good ones in heaven to come and look for the only one which got lost, me. And it is that knowledge which makes us to be contented. It is that mysterious love which is beyond human comprehension and which makes us to bear all things, believe all things, hope all things and to endure all things (1Co 13:7). It is because of him. His coming down on earth for only me, his suffering and dying on the cross that my sins might be forgiven… I deserved death, but he ransomed me from it, and he paid my whole debt by his own blood, for free! So what can separate me from that amazing love? Is it sickness, is it death? Is it poverty? No, nothing. Now I look at my past and count everything as dung (Php 3:8). And that is how I can be content under whatever circumstances. For what have I suffered which he didn’t? And what have I gained which he didn’t freely give? This is how the regenerate person perceives contentment.

But not so the unregenerate. He perceives that the whole meaning of life is to be happy at all costs. So he puts all his life and energy towards achieving that end. But then he has not reckoned with the power of sin. He wishes to operate like a machine, laying down good plans and knowing all the right buttons to press. But he is usually only as far from achieving happiness as when he first began. He thought, like Solomon, that it might be in the acquisition of things, but they have only made his life miserable. He thought it would be in the satisfying of the demands of the flesh, but he has only succeeded in tying his life in knots. And because he is only human and not a machine, his health crashes, and with that, his whole life. It loses meaning. And he begins to pine for death as an antidote. In fact death assumes the whole meaning of life, a sheer absurdity. His descent into nihilism happens without his knowledge: What does anything matter? Everything else which happens to him after that (assuming his God ‘died’ a long time with Nietzsche) only adds fuel to the absurdity of his life. And having become so alienated with himself how can such a person ever find contentment in this life?

But thanks be to God! He finds him (if he responds to his call), rescues him from himself, and gives him a heart of ‘flesh and not stone’. And it is from that ash that God makes a new creature. And it is only then for the first time in his life that he understands the meaning of life (Ecc 12:13-14). How on earth then can such a person ever fall again into the wild trap of discontentment in this life? He can’t. Because he has God, and having God, he has everything! O merciful God! Unharden our hearts that we might respond to you only as our measure of true contentment in this life!

God’s Will is that we Should Endure all things and Keep Faith up to the End

And Jacob their father said unto them, Me have ye bereaved of my children: Joseph is not, and Simeon is not, and ye will take Benjamin away: all these things are against me. Gen 42:36  

Life abhors a vacuum. We hate to stand still doing nothing. But we come alive when we are doing something, when we feel there is air and life around us, when we see people on the road, when there is a place to call home, when there is laughter outside and when there is work within. These things give meaning to life. But then something happens. And the rhythm of what we knew as life snaps.

The rhythm of the life of Jacob had broken down many times before. But God had always been there for him to mend the broken parts, but Jacob had forgotten. And upheavals make us do that. We forget. But David too had despaired several times in his pilgrimage. At one time he was so certain he was going to die at Saul’s hand. He forgot God had anointed him to be ruler over Israel. Briefly Elijah forgot Mt. Carmel as he screamed across the desert that Jezebel was about to kill him. John sent his disciples to ask if Jesus was really the one, or whether they should look for another. Where had their faith gone?

You had been certain once that you were doing the perfect will of God. But now doubts assuage you. Things have happened. The hearthstone has gone cold. And ‘all these things are against me’. Don’t be hasty to pass judgment upon yourself. Even more don’t be hasty to pass judgment on God. Wait until the water has calmed in the pond because it is only then that you can see the depth clearly. That was the error of Jacob in passing judgment upon himself. It was the error of David, and many other people who believed God.

Some have supposed this is their end. Few stop to think it might be the beginning of a new thing, and a perhaps a better life afterwards. The time comes when belief looks impossible. But at such times faith says believe more, and act like Abraham 'who against hope believed in hope'. May we never be counted with the ones who staggered at the promise of God through unbelief, but rather let us be ‘strong in faith, giving glory to God.’ Let us remain ‘fully persuaded’ that what he has promised, he is able also to perform (Rom 4:20-21).

Don’t crucify yourself. Don’t loathe yourself. You are human and it is why you are feeling like that. God understands. And he’s glorified when we run to him for help, because he gives it. He is a strong tower, the righteous run to him and they are safe. The Lord is my light and my salvation, who shall I be afraid of?

There is one who knows the end from the beginning, and the story of our own life is still developing. What God begins he finishes, and the Bible story lives as a testimony to this day. We are not alone. Hasn’t he said, ‘I shall not leave you comfortless’? Yes sometimes our eyes can be so cast down looking down at the waves… until we forget to look up at him. ‘The heavens declare the glory of God; and the firmament sheweth his handywork.’ Step outside for a while tonight and just stare at the starlit blue sky. His voice is everywhere. Shut the silence for a while and just listen. ‘Day unto day uttereth speech, and night unto night sheweth knowledge. There is no speech nor language, where their voice is not heard’ (Psa 19:1-3). 

Please God don’t let our fears and our worries so seize us at this present time, until like Jacob, we fail to see our salvation coming! ‘And it came to pass’…what a heading for a testimony! So ‘[w]ho shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? …For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord’ (Rom 8:35-39). And may we be able to believe that always, O God!

The Will of God is that we Should see Him in Everything, including in our Depressions

But I will sacrifice unto thee with the voice of thanksgiving; I will pay that that I have vowed. Salvation is of the LORD. And the LORD spake unto the fish, and it vomited out Jonah upon the dry land. Jon 2:9-10 

One great but silent theme of the book of Jonah is the Sovereignty of God. He is not the God of Israel (or Jonah) alone but the God of the whole world. He knows the number of hairs on every one’s head and no sparrow can fall to the ground without his knowledge (Mat. 10:29-30). It may annoy but we are here at God’s pleasure and not at our own (Ps 115:3; Rev 4:11).  

Chapter two of the book of Jonah is very short. But it is reads like a depression manual. Jonah cried to God ‘out of the belly of hell’ – and God heard him. But Jonah understood where his ‘depression’ was coming from. And if we would be brutally honest with ourselves, most of us know where our depression is coming from. We may even know how we can get out of it. But we lack the courage.  

Jonah understood that it was his sin which had sent him to the deep. He also understood that it was only his God who could get him out, and that is why he ‘prayed unto’ him, ‘I will look again toward thy holy temple’. It is a lesson which Asaph had also learnt earlier in his heavy gloom: ‘For all the day long have I been plagued, and chastened every morning…When I thought to know this, it was too painful for me; Until I went into the sanctuary of God; then understood I their end’ (Psa 73:14-17). And turning to God is how we always begin to get out of depression, ‘Salvation is of the LORD’. ‘And the LORD spake unto the fish, and it vomited out Jonah upon the dry land’ (Jon 2:9b-10).  

Thus the fish was a gift to Jonah from God. It saved him from drowning. Not all crises are meant to destroy us. For his saints, crises are meant to make us reflect, to purify us and to cleanse us. How you do you perceive the crisis you are in? One can view it as a curse from God and grow even more bitter (and help Satan in his evil). Or one can receive it as a gift from God to prevent them from drowning: ‘I know, O LORD, that thy judgments are right, and that thou in faithfulness hast afflicted me’ (Psa 119:75). The ‘corrections’ of God are always righteous, and they are not designed to bring us evil. Thus the psalmist thanked his God: ‘At midnight I will rise to give thanks unto thee because of thy righteous judgments’ (Psa 119:62).  ‘Before I was afflicted I went astray: but now have I kept thy word’ (Psa 119:67). God give us the eyes to behold our sin, and God give us the courage to confess it.

Finally depression came to Job but he didn’t charge ‘God foolishly’. So sometimes even righteous people will have their ‘three days and three nights in the fish belly’. It happens, because no one can quite ‘know God to perfection’. Sometimes he hides himself and no one can ask him why. But in the end God makes something beautiful out of all his saints’ ashes. May yours too be something we shall read or talk about one day.